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crazystardance's Journal

*..I want so much 2 open ur eyes..*
22 October 1986
"I'm afraid of quick judgements and mistakes that everybody makes"

"I also wanted to remind you that, though sometimes my emotions, particulary jealousy, sometimes get the best of me, I still hear you. No matter how much we yell, or no matter how quiet you are, I hear You."

I'm a sophmore at FDU. Let's just say it's one of the worst schools in NJ. Most of NJ schools suck though. Yeah, so I'm a really outgoing person, especially once you get some alcohol in me. Rum and Yager (I bet that's not how you spell it either) are off my drink list officially. I actually don't drink that much. I don't like smokers. Ciggarette smoking mostly. It's really disgusting when you lean in to kiss someone special and they reek of ciggs. My whole family smokes. If I take a blanket out of the house, it smells like smoke. That's how I grew up. Anyway, I have a happy book. It's really cool actually. Everyone writes what makes them happy and when I feel like driving into a tree, I read it and it really does make me happy. What a wonderful idea! I tend to ramble a lot of the time. It's not the best trait to have but whatever my name is Ethel so let's be real- nothing about me is normal and I'm perfectly fine with that. If you look up "Ethel" in google images about 90% of the time all you find are tombstones. How sad is that really? This is really long but let's see- I like to collect things. I have a decent collection of shot glasses that I never use. I also collect old school phones. I have one from Russia over 100 years ago. It's really cool. I used to collect porceline dolls, but I had to lock them up in the closet when Chucky came out. Hmm I also collect quotes. I once was attacked by a friend about having quotes on my away messages.. he said none of them described love for what it really is. I was so pissed about that whole convo. Who the hell knows what the 'right' definition of love really is. I sure don't. All I know is that if you don't have love in your life, you don't have much at all. And I mean love from family, friends, and animals as well as boyfriends and girlfriends. I actually lost my quotes book and it pisses me off so much cuz when I was upset or whatnot I'd read through it and it made me feel a little less fucked up. But now that's gone. I think one of the best presents I can get is a quote book and I don't mean to buy one, but make one. Yeah, I'm really mad about that. I'm really not a bitter person though. I just feel angry right now cuz I haven't slept much these past few days. You know what's really hard? Sleeping when you have a whole lot on your mind. You know what is worse than that? Sleeping and having an amazing dream only to wake up to realize it's not true and it's never going to come true. I'm not even close to being a miserable person. I love to have fun. My favorite thing to do is dance. I can dance not slutty too. It just takes more effort. But clubs are cool. I just don't like it when guys come up to you when you're obviously having more fun with a bunch of girlfriends and they stare. Flat out stare. And you have to tell them to get lost. But they keep on coming back. You say you have a bf and they stick around cuz they are morons and you obv lied and there's no bf and you get molested. Yeah, haha I don't like that too much. I'm gonna stop writing this is so pathetic. ---
animals, books, carmen electra's dvds =), coloring what they draw, dreams, movies, music, reading, sleeping, traveling, watching people draw, working out